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Humor: The Rules From A Man's Perspective

Humor: The Rules From A Man's Perspective

Learn to work the toilet seat

You're a big girl

If it's up, put it down

We need it up, you need it down

You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you

Live with it.

Saturday = sports

It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides

Let it be.

Don't cut your hair

Ever

Long hair is always more attractive than short hair

One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want

Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates

Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar

Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops

What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it

That's what we do

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem

See a doctor.

Check your oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you're fat, you probably are

Don't ask us

We refuse to answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle

We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done

Not both

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out

Get over it

And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour

We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched

We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be

Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing's wrong

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine

Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

No NO you really do have too many shoes.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

I'm in shape

ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.