Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you've never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits, but could not find their two main contestants, the tortoise and the hare, and were forced to search for replacements.
Nobody in the village was willing to race, because they all wanted to bet on it and get drunk during the race.
After many hours of searching, they found the best replacements they could, which happened to be a snail and a dung beetle. Neither of them wanted to race, but were forced to do so by the rest of the villagers. And so the race was scheduled for the next day. That night, snail and dung beetle went out to the bar in order to prepare themselves for their race. After many hours, and many exotic, alcohol-filled drinks, snail and dung beetle were prepared for their race, and went off to their separate houses in order to get some sleep before the big race.
The next morning, snail got up early and headed out to the racetrack, and dung beetle did the same. They stood ready at the start line and got prepared for the race. Soon, the shot was fired, and the race began. The dung beetle appropriately pooped himself. and the snail hid inside his shell. The villagers went to war.